Get Ready for a Anxiety-free Dating

By observing the simple guidelines that follow, you will be ready for virtually any dating situation and you too can be anxiety-free. Let’s start by getting ourselves in the mood for a relaxed and enjoyable date so that the lucky person who will have the pleasure of your company is likely to find you irresistible. Here we will concentrate on preparation, attitude and the basic essentials of date management.

Attitude

Fine-tune your attitude. To succeed in any long-term relationship you need to be co-operative, flexible, emotionally available, honest and committed to making things work out for your mutual benefit Start as you mean to carry on! You may not yet have any idea whether the person you are meeting has real relationship potential, but it is foolish to even contemplate a date unless you intend to approach it with a positive, upbeat attitude, focusing on the pleasing aspects of your date.

Venue

Have a say in choosing the place where you're going to meet. Popular choices are up market but unpretentious restaurants, wine bars, comedy clubs or jazz venues. Locations like these are favorites for first dates, because you'll enjoy a convivial atmosphere without having to try too hard. Comedy performances offer the added benefit of allowing you to see if your date has a sense of humor.

Timing

If you're the first to arrive, don't panic; someone has to get there first! Relax, order yourself a drink, positioning yourself, either at the bar or seated, so that you have a clear view of the entrance and can easily spot your date, welcoming him or her with a warm smile, regardless of your inner feelings about being kept waiting. Remember, the idea is to be irresistible!

Smile

Everyone becomes more attractive when they smile. Why is a smile so powerful? Because it communicates warmth and draws people towards you. People remember first impressions most strongly, so if you greet them with a warm smile, you get off to a cracking start in any social situation. Brian Bates, co-author of the BBC book and television series The Human Face, confirms the importance of smiling in society:

'We would often rather share our confidences, hopes and money with smilers for deep reasons which are often beyond our conscious awareness. Spontaneous smilers have been shown to have a more successful life in personal and career terms'

It is a fact that smiling takes much less effort than frowning involves less muscular tension and is more spontaneous. The human body even rewards us for smiling! When we smile, the mere act of doing it boosts the production of endorphins in our brain, releasing natural energizers and painkillers throughout our body. This is why smiling creates a pleasant ambience, helps you to relax and puts your date at ease.

Breathe

Would it surprise you to hear that most people don't know how to breathe and talk at the same time? Your voice sounds far richer, more controlled and lovelier to listen to when you speak on the out breath, as you exhale, rather than when you breathe in.

As an experiment now, try bilking to yourself as you breathe in. Within a few moments, your voice begins to sound strangled, doesn't it? Now take a deep breath, and then talk to yourself as you exhale. Can you hear the difference? Not only is there more clarity and variety in your voice, the tone of your voice sounds more seductive and interesting. So many people on first dates are on the verge of fainting because anxiety, stiffness and shallow breathing conspire to make their conversation sound wooden. Breathe more deeply, talk on the out breath and the words that you say will sound nicer to the ear, and you will feel more relaxed and in control of your speech.

Speak

Speak with enthusiasm! Enthusiasm is contagious, it breeds excitement in others and it is the key to influencing people in a positive way. People tend to come alive and feel happier when they are in the company of someone who is enthusiastic. Such positive feelings contribute to the bonds of friendship that strengthen people's attachments to each other.

If you can't think what to say, ask a question! Questions are great icebreakers and it is easy to pick up on something that your date says in reply to propel the conversation forward.

One of the worst sins you can commit on a date is to be boring and one of the best things you can do is to get your date talking about themselves. This way you learn a lot more about them, you take the heat off yourself and you endear yourself to your date because of the genuine interest you are showing in them. Gets your date talking about his or her hobbies, holidays, job, profession, aspirations, and when you hear something good or meaningful of which you approve, compliment them. Flattery is fine as long as it's genuine. It's a terrific way of making a memorable impression.

Listen

Listen with interest to what your date has to say. People, generally, when given the opportunity, love talking about themselves. As this is the first date, allow your companion to do most of the talking on any subject that interests them. You can easily draw them out of their shell by making them feel comfortable talking to you. An easy way to do this is by temporarily adopting the role of an interested student who is keen to learn more from someone who is clearly informed. Strategically, this will help you to secure their friendship and, when honed to perfection, it can set the scene for your date to fall effortlessly in love with you.

Body language

It is a fact that both men and women are infinitely more drawn to someone who appears to like them and clearly enjoys their company. During your first meeting, smile warmly whenever the occasion permits. Eye contact is vital at this moment. Don't stare. Just look into their eyes for longer than usual, look away, and then glance back. Keep your arms open in a relaxed, inviting position and lean forward periodically, nodding agreement whenever you hear something with which you concur.

Develop interest in what is being said because your body language is revealing your true feelings, whether you like it or not If you allow your shoulders to droop, the message staring your date in the face is: you're bored! If you cross your arms firmly, you're telling him or her you are on the defensive. Your attention should be on your companion's face, because if you are sincerely interested in hearing more, this is the first place your date will look for encouragement

Laughter

The mental and physical health benefits of laughter are well documented. In a public health study conducted by a Dr Lee Berk in California, one hour of naturally induced laughter was demonstrated to boost your immune system by significantly lowering levels of the stress hormones, cortisol and epinephrine, and by increasing the production of T-cells, whose function is to defend you against infection.

Laughter, apart from making you and your date feel good, is excellent for promoting your wellbeing — studies have shown that after a good bout of laughter, your muscles loosen up and your heart rate and blood pressure are lowered, leaving you feeling more relaxed, calm and cheerful. Develop a keen eye for the absurd. If you look, you'll find that there are amusing absurdities a-plenty in life. Instead of letting a minor irritation or a petty upset annoy you, look for the funny side of life, and whenever you encounter it, laugh!

As you sit across the table looking into the eyes of your companion, remember these words from Vanity Fair by William Thackeray (1811-63):

'The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly, kind companion.'

If you and your companion succeed in getting a good laugh at some stage in your first date, you are off to a flying start! A shared sense of humor is an important element in any relationship.

Drink

Don't drink too much or too quickly. Control the temptation to knock back a few quickies in order to loosen up. It's always a good idea to have a bottle of water on the table, as well as the bottle of wine, to slow your alcohol intake. Countless promising romances end with the first date because one of the participants had too much to drink.

Paying

Going Dutch? Okay, but don't make a fuss if your date, either male or female, goes ahead and settles the bill. Now it is perfectly acceptable either way, but don't forget, chaps, most women like to be treated, just as they appreciate fresh and beautiful flowers and car doors being opened and closed for them.

Departure

Always under stay your welcome on a first date unless you are very sure of what you are doing. Even if the date has gone exceedingly well and you are both up for more, it's far safer and more sensible to arrange to meet another time or to exchange telephone numbers, than risk a late nighter/all-nighter at this delicate stage, no matter how fabulous the prospect! Be the one to say 'Goodnight!' You'll be respected for that and if you both want to meet again, the chances are you will.

If things don't work out the way you'd hoped and there is to be no second date, although you might have wanted one, be graceful in the face of this disappointment. Dating is like that In the early stages, you have good dates and disappointing ones. Very few people get it right first time. But you will succeed if you persevere; and you will persevere, because your goal is too magnificent to give up on.

Follow these basic but effective guidelines and there will be no stopping you. You will go from strength to strength (with perhaps, the occasional little hiccup along the way) until you find the one.