Parenting Is Often About Sacrifice

There was a time when parents expected to make sacrifices on behalf of their children. Though their standard of living was often less than it is today, they still welcomed a greater number of kids into their house. Times have indeed changed. Parents used to have lots of kids; today, kids have lots of parents—and those parents have even less time.

A 1999 Council of Economic Advisors report found that American parents have twenty-two fewer hours per week to spend at home, as compared with the average in 1969. Harvard sociologist Robert Putnam estimates that "families have meals together about one-third less often today than they did in the mid 1970s." He also believes that "parents are about one-third less likely to take vacations, watch televi­sion, or even chat with their children."

Is this a trend you want to continue? Or is it something you'd like to fight against? When you choose to become a parent, you are also choosing to make sacrifices. By bringing a new person into your family, you have accepted an awesome responsibility. And that means that your time, your energy, and your priorities are no longer just centered around you. For some, that's a difficult transition. But remember this key fact: Nobody can raise your child like you can. You can make some sacrifices now that will make a tremendous difference in your child's life, beginning with making sure that if you are married, either you or your spouse stays home with your child full-time.

Yes, I know you graduated in the top 10 percent of your class—and that you're smarter than most of the men you've ever met. You may even have a master's degree or more.

But I'm still asking either you or your husband to put your career on hold. If your husband wants to stay home and he has the temperament to deal with colic, runny noses, and changing diapers, so be it. I don't care which parent stays home, but I think one needs to. Before you roll your eyes and call me unrealistic or figure that I grew up in the Dark Ages, hear me out. And then you can decide for yourself.

A recent study out of Columbia University found that chil­dren whose mothers took jobs working thirty hours per week or more before the child was nine months old scored lower in both mental and verbal development tests. The effect was greater for boys than for girls. And those aren't the only detrimental effects. We try to kid ourselves that having our children away from us for a major portion of their day won't really affect them, but it does—intellectually, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

Just step back a minute and think about the awesome responsibility that almighty God has given you. Your child isn't an accessory to your life. You haven't bought the satellite-dish program with the NFL package on it; this is your child. The decisions you make about who takes care of this child will literally help shape another human being. Why wouldn't you want to do all you can to leave a positive imprint on your child's life? Once again speaking as a psychologist, I assure you that you can't do this from a distance, nor can you do it part-time. A child deserves full-time care from at least one parent—if at all possible.