The Opportunity Cost of Stay at Home Moms

More recently my wife has made a long-time dream come true by opening a funky, "shabby-chic" home decor store called The Shabbie Hattie. It takes a lot of work to get something like that going, and my wife put it off when the older kids needed her attention. But we still have a teen and a preteen at home, so my wife and I had a recent conversation about her leaving the store by 2:15 so she can pick up one of the kids while I get the other one. Two-fifteen sounds ridiculously early to leave a store that you're managing, but I reminded my wife that she needs a little kick-back time before the dinner hour. Our family holds dinnertime as sacred. It's the one time of the day when we're all together for the longest stretch, so we don't take it lightly.

Is this a sacrifice? You bet it is, but there are great rewards. Not that long ago, an editor came out to Tucson to go over a manuscript with me. My wife invited him to dinner, and all the kids were there, as well as my son-in-law. The next several times we spoke, that editor raved about the dinner, how much he enjoyed himself, and how impressed he was with our family's joy at just being together. What he couldn't see is that this happens all the time at our house; it wasn't particularly special. Our kids really enjoy being together. And we are humbly amazed.

Yes, sacrifices sting in the short-term, but in the long-term they pay great rewards.

Having one parent stay home or juggling your work sched­ule or number of hours might be a tough decision, but parenting is a grown-up task, and it will call you to make many tough decisions throughout the next two decades. Some years ago, My wife and I made a tough decision to take our kids out of public school. We felt it was important for them to receive a Christian education, where everything is taught in relation to the Christian faith. Private schools cost a good chunk of change, and back in those days, when we made the switch from public to private school, we used to polish every quarter that came through the door before we spent it.

But keep in mind—what seems like a sacrifice now may not seem like such a sacrifice if you just try it.

I know a mom who was very successful in her business. A top account executive making $70,000 a year, she always pictured herself being a career woman. She has an MBA degree, loves business, loves making the sale, and she gladly accepted the four months' maternity leave that her company gave her (which is about ten times longer than most new moms get).

But a funny thing happened on her way back to work: She fell in love with her son.

"I couldn't imagine missing a day of this wonderful gift of life, so I made the tough decision," she told me.

An even tougher decision was trying to figure out how to tell her husband about it. "He just about died when I told him what I was thinking," she admits. "He really couldn't believe it because he always saw me as this corporate woman. And, of course, the first thing he saw was $70,000 going out the window. He even said, '1 guess we might as well kiss the new BMW good-bye and start looking for a minivan.'"

I admire this woman's spunk. She told me outright, "I'm the mom, and I don't want to miss a day of my son's life. I certainly don't want to put my son in the hands of a woman earning minimum wage who will be gone in three to six months and never think about him again."

Though this woman made a very courageous decision, there won't be any standing ovations over the choice she has made. Her choice won't result in a Business Weekly profile. She won't have the esteem of being given a promotion or a pay hike. Her IRA is going to take a real beating. And the main person who benefits from all this sacrifice—her son— doesn't even realize she's making a sacrifice. But she is determined that no one else is going to raise her child but her.

Are there some moms who have to work? Yes—and you may be one of them. Especially if you are the only wage earner—or the primary wage earner of the family. But just remember: You are a woman of choices. You can always get creative so that your child has as much "at home" time as possible. Plenty of jobs offer split schedules, or working-at-home flexibility. So don't sell yourself—or your child—out too easily without prayerfully considering all the options.