Tips for Parenting Toddler - How to Deal with Tabletop Massacres

Let's suppose you preserve family time around the dinner table. You're eager for quality interaction with your kid. And then one night, a tabletop massacre erupts. Food goes flying, the kid is screaming, you get that "I've lost and being a parent is just impossible" look on your face, and the entire evening seems shot.

Not every kid will lead you into these episodes, but many will. You might have three children who behave like guppies at the dinner table—quietly eating their meal, hardly making a sound, leaving almost no mess. But maybe you also got a piranha. He throws food. He kicks his high-chair tray. He drops his dishes on the floor and then claps his hands with delight!

What's really going on—and what can you do about it?

Determine your child's motivation.

First, you have to determine your piranha's motivation. Some kids do goofy things at the dinner table out of curios­ity. What you see as food, he sees as a dozen different sensations: These mashed potatoes feel really mushy in my hands—/ wonder what they would feel like in my hair? And wow, that corn is yellow! Look at the way it flies. Hooo weeee! That one landed in the sugar bowl! Maybe I can get this one in the butter! Look at how those pureed carrots make such fasci­nating shapes when you pour them out. Cool! The shape keeps changing! This is far out!

How do you determine if this is curiosity or rebellion? In time you'll just be able to tell. If you know your kid, you know what's behind his thinking. Check his attitude. Is he smiling or scowling? Does he honestly seem to be exploring, or is he trying to use negative behavior to get your attention? I don't think you should punish curious infants.

Set realistic expectations.

Second, many first-time parents simply expect way too much of their toddlers, particularly at mealtime. Children don't sit for forty-five minutes while you have an adult conversation about the economy. If you expect to bring a toddler into a restaurant, with all kinds of new sounds and smells and sights, and expect him to ignore everything, remain quiet for an hour or more, and behave like an adult, you're just not being realistic.

If you really want to enjoy your evening out, leave baby with your parents or a close friend. Don't put your child in a situation where 90 percent of babies will fail. Yes, this means you're going to have to limit your activities for a while, but that doesn't mean you can't go out to eat—it just means you should do so on a date rather than as an entire family.

Related to this is the whole Disney phenomenon. Why parents take young toddlers to Disneyland or Disney World, I'll never know. And why they expect their toddlers to last for more than three or four hours is absolutely beyond me. If you must go on an expensive vacation with a young toddler, get a several-days pass and expect to leave the park early every day. Toddlers are not designed to remain peaceful and cooperative and quiet when their nap schedule is broken, their eating schedule is blasted with treats and popcorn and sugary drinks, and their little minds are overstimulated with rides, sights, sounds, and constant music. In fact, if you take your toddler through "It's a Small World," you might as well pack it up right there! She's seen enough for at least a day with all those sights, sounds, and that everlasting, annoying, refusing-to-be-forgotten song!

Every time I've been in the Magic Kingdom, I've seen moms who look exhausted and miserable, kids who are over­whelmed and crying, and discouraged dads who are mentally calculating that this miserable vacation is costing them about five hundred dollars a day. Listen very carefully: Children have limits. Exceed those limits—even on vacation—at your own peril. If your child is overly tired, she's going to fuss and cry and whine. It doesn't matter if she's in Disneyland, at a fancy restaurant, or a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's. Tired kids fall apart.

If you've bonded with your child, you'll soon know the look in her eyes that will tell you when dinner is over. Before there's an eruption or a mess, remove that child from the high-chair, and save yourself the hassle of trying to mop up the kitchen floor, walls, and ceiling.