Understanding the Needs of the Person Who Is Dying

None of us can fully understand the feelings of someone who is dying until we go through it ourselves. Most people find it very dif­ficult to know how to help and support someone who is facing death. It may help to try and think about how you might feel if you were in the ill person's place. Try asking yourself the question, 'What would I like to do if I had only three months to live?'

This is a painful question to think about, and there are no right or wrong answers. People have different priorities, and yours may be very different from those of the person you care for. These are some of the things that often seem important to people who are approaching death:

- having the chance to say goodbye to the people they love and care for;

- setting their affairs in order so that everything is easy to sort out after their death;

- knowing that their family will be financially secure and able to cope without them;

- dying peacefully, without pain;

- knowing that someone will be with them when they die; and

- feeling that they won't be forgotten after their death.

How you can help

You may find it very difficult to talk to your relative about these things, but there are nevertheless ways in which you may be able to help.

- There may be things you would like to say to each other - it is sometimes difficult to know how to start, but it will help both of you if you try.

- There may be other people that the ill person would like to say goodbye to.

- Your relative may want to talk about their fears, or about what it is like to die.

- You may want to tell your relative in your own way that they will not be forgotten, and to talk about how you and other peo­ple will remember them.

- You may be able to help them to set their affairs in order. For some people, discussing prac­tical arrangements and tidying up their affairs helps bring peace of mind.